12, Oct,2012 – 10:30 PM,
I got up in the Vadodara Express with the printouts of Consumer Protection Act(CPA) in my hand. The mind is totally occupied with the next day presentation about CPA at IGCC. I don’t even chat with pallu and tell her am busy making the final ppt draft. Deepali who is still confused, calls me that late, to discuss one last time & the “Draft-Consumer Protection – 1986-fin-final-FINAL-last final.pptx” is mailed to everyone. In all these hassles, the phone again rings and this time the caller is “Sharon”. Thank god i save all my contacts with all possible ways of remembering their connection with me. The Sharons name is hyphened with “pallu”. I realize that It is Sharon, pallu’s so called best friend. Now since this creature never calls. So i anxiously picked up the call..
Me- Hi Sharon..
Sharon (in her regular nasal accent) – Ohh.. u have saved my number. Hi Akshay..how are u..
Me (straight to the point)- hey..wt happened??
S: Arey we are calling a party. N u r never with us. But pallu told me u r thr in town now. So i thot u cud____ __ __ _____ ___ __ fun__ ____ ____ ____ join___ __ ____ __ ___long time___ ___ ____kinds__ ____ __ (n she went on.. i cudnt focus expect sum key words out of her looong mono log)
Me (cutting her monolog in between) : kab hai re party..
S: 2morrow nite.
Me: What tym??
S: See v usually start in the eve.. thn we get dinner..and then __ ____ __ ____ __ __ ___ (again she went on)
Me: (continued reading the print outs….“Section 2(1)(r)- unfair trade practice” means a trade practice which, for the purpose of promoting the sale, use or supply of any goods..)
S: so u coming na??
Me: Who me?? Yea yea… count me in. (…or for the provison of any service, adopts any unfair method or unfair or deceptive practice including any of the following practices..)
S: cool .. ok then see u 2morrow.
Me; yea yea.. Gud night… ( …practice of making any statement, whether orally or in writing or by visible…)
Beep. End Call. Last call 5 Min: 26 Secs.
…Bargain price” means – (a) a price that is stated in any advertisement to be a bargain price…
Hey wait a sec..did i say “count me in” … for a party??..that too wid Pallu’s gang.. oopse..i just made a mistake which i was avoiding artfully for past 3 years.
I have mastered the art of avoiding this herd of pallu’s friends for past 3yrs. I call it herd coz they all are soo identical in the way they look, dress up, talk & behave and also.. they all r always in a group. Pallu has a lot of fond of these characters. The 1st time she took me to their place was a nightmare experience for me. Just a brief background. This herd of characters belong to the fancy hotel industry of Mumbai. They all have worked in places like ITC, JW marriot, Renissance, hyatt and all those starry hotels with names difficult to pronounce..and even more difficult to spell. Now considering my background of mechanical engineering.. & with my deprived sense of style it is almost like watching Maliaka Arora next to Kirron Kher in the “India has got talent” panel. But when u spend ur youth in carrying a drawing-drafter on one shoulder and rollpack on the other & top of it a backpack full of steam tables, design data books dumped on both the shoulder…sweating in a workshop wearing a boilersuit.. watching others lingering in CCD outside college and oneself trapped in the canteen and gymkhana…who cud learn the fashion and from where.
IT crowd was considered to be the epic of style and fashion by mechanical engineers…in fact for the couple years we used to think they have a subject on Dressing sense and Glamour in their IT syllabus. The height of fashion ever achieved by a SPCE mech engineer was when bibin actually grew shoulder long hair. No wonder he got married at the age of 24.
Now these classy friends of Pallu, seem very different to my mediocre engineer eyes. The clothes they wear..their hair styles..the way they speak.. etc etc. They talk a dialect of English in which words are formed 2 inch deep in the mouth, then they are rolled all along the mouth, and then toppled out with a lightest touch of the tongue. In a nutshell, i cud barely hear anything to understand their accent. I get to hear such English in Baroda McDonalds in the wedding season when NRI gujju’s bring their families to attend a weddings.
Any ways, what i meant was, i jst could never relate with these people at all. I dodged their weddings, their pregnancy parties, and even their naming ceremonies, and with suchha tact, that even pallu dnt doubt me for any of that. But this time, here i am, trapped in a corner, with a toughest target of all time, TO MEET PALLUs HERD OF BEST FRIENDS.
Now 1st step to the target was dressing..now wateva i buy pallu terms it dull, and wateva she buys for me, i cannot dare to wear out of Baroda… So going with her choice, i chose the most trendy shirt of mine…gifted by Pallu ofcors 🙂 So there is a minimal risk of looking off track in her group. I actually put a thot that day, on when was d last tym i put a thot before wearing sumthin. In fact i still dont understand y wearing cloths is termed as dressing at a 1st place. Last i cud remember was my sister’s wedding. Anyways, struggling from trains and rickshaws, i finally land in her frnds house in kalyaan.
Seeing me Pallu is all excited .. i wud b accompanying her for d very 1st tym in a party. My heart is already beating fast as i climb the stairs. N finally, the door opens & I am welcomed by 2 ladies other than pallu, while changing the nappies of their new borns. Whoa..now that ws not wt i expected. The babies were cute. Furniture is also quite descent. i laughed at myself for all the apprehensions i had about these people. Their husbands were out to buy things. Well, giving company to three ladies and their babies was kinda awkward. To my surprise i was even offered a cup of tea :p 😛 knowing my engineering background, they might have guessed my drinking habbits. 😛 :P. Then Sharon told pallu, to ask me if i want to get freshed and take a shower and all. Pallu offered me a towel. I was a bit puzzled. shower?? In a evening?? But then i thot may b that wud be a right thing to do to kill the tym. The thing i dint realize then was, that was 1st delivery over the shoulder of the nightmare T20 eve jst began. I changed into my favourite denim shorts which was immediately praised by pallu. Whenever she does sumthin lyk that i immediately realize that she hs not liked it. Never mind..Then the hubbies came. I switched on the cricket match and expected them to join. Then one of the hubby asked me where the match is being played. I thot may be he is not much into cricket, so i told him , its in SA. But then he asked me, “who has sponsored the tournament.. ICC kya?”…Huh?? Sponsor of the tournament?? ICC?? (2nd delivery above the shoulder) I was again puzzled. Anyways, i moved to the corner observing things, looking at the brighter sides of the things, every1 was looking descent, i could hear the whole sentences out of their mouth, all are smiling, laughing… and then the drinks came and the 2nd powerplay began.
The evening ful of events taught soo many things, namely
1. When the music is loud, and all are drunk, talk to as many people as u can wid a smile. They dnt hear a single word, but they think u r socializing.
2. When a husband publicly praises his wyf, then he either drunk OR he has miss understood his wyf with some1 else.
3. If u can’t dance, u should at least be able to scream loudly so that people will be distracted from noticing your bad dancing skills.
4. If u r a engineer, always choose the latter option.
5. Not all men watch cricket. Not all wowen drink vodka.
6. When ur frdns keen on screwing ur ass & wyf screwing ur mind, listen to ur wyf.
7. Whenever u tk ur wyf or GF to a party, make sure u don’t forget to take them back after the party.
8. The point of intersection of the ecstasy curve and booze curve is called Vomiting point. Beyond which the ecstasy drops drastically and u r end up in toilet or even worse..in the hospital. Hence knowing the self vomiting point is very crucial before taking that extra peg.
9. Be smart enough to find a place to sleep for urself before all r taken. There is no reward for the last person standing in a party.
10. If u are engineer, atleast find a non-engineer wife who could make u look presentable.
11. Never argue with your neighbours over volume of the party. Specially when they come in group.
12. If u get into fight wid sum1, make it grand. Make sure everyone notice it & get entertained. When the music is turn down to hear ur fight, understand that u have pulled enough attention 😉
13. Dance is a sumthing u better learn early in ur lyf. And with dance i am nt talking abt the thing we do in the coll DJ party. Not drinking but acting drunk, is also a proven escape route. And if u cant do tht also, then u can always refer to the Sr. No. #3.
14. Last but not the least.. a booze party can happen without a cricket match or F1 race.
Well not all the learnings above are related to yest’s party. But i njoyed it to the fullest for wateva tym i was awake. Its nice to meet new people.. Let go all ur resistance.. to accept people the way they are.. act drunk and dance stupid without caring who is watching u..And d most important.. doing wat your GF, who luves u soo much, expects from u.
The detailed commentary on the powerplay overs is soo terribly shocking that i wouldn’t mention it on the blog. but at 6 in the morning when i got up.. i realized, that all the bottles are empty on the table..kids room was closed, rest of the guys are asleep, scattered all over the place.. and the few characters were missing.. n the hosts was taken to the hospital 😮 … without getting panic, i quietly dressed up, picked up my stuff, combed by hair and literally ran from the premises ..thinking all the penal code sections which we cud be charged by their families. Boy oh boy.. the eventful night was over and i cud finally sleep in my home sweet home after 2 sleepless nights in the train and in the party.