Marketing of a Rape #Kathua

A new advertisement of cadbury gets aired..It so appeals to us..Tht no reason we end up buying it, which was never on our shopping list.. thts success of marketing..

kathua rape case is classic example of marketing success.. u manage to penetrate into majority of household in minimum possible time..N tht too without any1 knowing what they have bought.

None of the actors (tv anchors, social media commentators, bollywood faces & some of the politicians) in this advertising campaign cares what happens to rape victims..n no1 really cares for the child.. the child here is not a product here, the product is “Disgust”.. n the marketing strategy is to sell u this “disgust”.. make u feel bad abt urself, the society u leave in & the overall idea of india. N our emotional outburst is a testimony of how we all have fallen for it.

Do you remember any rape case where u knew the name of the victim?? Nirbhaya’s Mother is still referred as Nibhaya’s Mother & not with her name. Not just that, the face of victim is flashed on every newschannel, social media, whatsapp.. But then, these are mere tools used in a advertisement. Now carefully notice the use of words, “temple”, “hindustan”, “devi” placed on the placard. I do not remember any1 addressing our country as “hindustan” post independence?? Infact it is considered to be non-secular to use this term now a days. Still it found it’s place on placard..With a sole intention to bring disgust amongst the majority population who is otherwise contained irrespective of the variety of the paid protest/violence going around in the country.

The reason why we are all sold to this advertising campaign is very simple.. its a simple psychological trap.. If we do not buy it, we end up being that dark, evil being in our own mind. So the only way forward is to buy the disgust & cry beating the chest .. only to save our mind from any dissonance with our perception about self.

Fake Plight of Farmers.

Social media is flooded with the wrinkled faces & sore feet of the farmers walking down the streets of Mumbai ..  – Not to forget – causing immense stress on city commuters.

It reminds me of studying a chapter in school, LAAL CHIKHAL, describing the exact same story of the poor & hardworking farmer who ends up destroying his produced.
I don’t remember the writer but guess the content must have been written atleast 3 decades old.
Infact the perceived situation of the famers has not changed a bit for very long period irrespective of the governments in states & center. To give a prospective.. That is the time when Ajit pawar was pissing in diapers till he started pissing in dams.

The political influence of this class is way better than the urban society, which is evident in the tall political leadership of rural Maharashtra. Except Balasaheb, no urban leader has managed to create any dent in the rural dominated politics.
Also with timely debt waivers & compensations, govt keeps reciprocating for its obligations towards this sector.
Which then makes me wonder about what keeps them going with so much agony n pain on their shoulders.

Answer to it is very obvious. The whole agony picture is fake.. its highly decorated for fooling people like us in the cities.

We all agree that the quality of life is better in the villages with no pollution & fresh unadulterated goods, easy transport, safe neighborhood. But then everything comes with some positives & negatives.
We don’t walk down the streets for demanding better roads, lesser pollution OR for that matter lower taxes.
We do not see even slum dwellers marching for the better facilities.
How the hardship of a farmer is any different than that of a rickshaw driver or a tea vendor in a city.
I don’t remember any loan waivers to rickshaw owners after OLA/UBER spoiled the market. How is that different than the drought releif.

650,000 no of tractors are sold in India every year which amounts to 23000 Cr yearly. This is purchasing power in the villages of India which is spent on pure Luxury. I am ignoring the Mercs & Fortuners sold in rural india.

Agri loans are considered priority sector for Banks. Farmers with upto 2 lakh sq feet of land is considered “Small and Marginal farmer” .. who enjoys all loan waivers .. with this, now try convincing a mumbaikar, who spends his entire life in 10×10  room in a chawl(100 sq feet) or in a slum , struggling for every day needs.

Who out of the two you think is marginalized now.

Another tools for glorifying the financial situation of farmers is Suicides. As per RTI information, the farmer committing suicide is less than 5% in overall suicide data of India.  Whereas 41% are self employed & daily wagers. Also, the major reasons for suicide remains, “Family issues” & “Illness” contributing 40%. There are more people committing suicide due to Marriage/love disputes than farmers. Therefore any claims of farmers’s deteriorating financial situation is simply hoax in my view.

1 more interesting fact which i find difficult to ignore is that, this so called dying ecosystem of farming becomes very peppy when it comes to selling their land to Government for Dams or for industries. When they are so convinced that farming is not a dependable profession for generations now, how come it becomes so exciting when it comes to selling their land for more prosperous career in Industries.

The crux of the matter is.. the plight of the farmer is nicely painted, polished, packed & served so very well, that we all end up buying it.

Injustice to Thorle Bajirao

It’s a third message I received in a day crying foul against Sanjay Leela Bhansali for his forthcoming movie Bajirao-Mastani.

 

The grey haired in Marathi show biz are at the forefront of this protest urging others to give it a miss.

The songs which has been in the focus off all this protest, Pinga & Malhari

 

“Pinga” where Kashi bai & Mastani are dancing together. Argument is that, this is spoiling the history lessons. The first lady of Peshwas never danced with a Mastani.

It becomes so difficult to comprehend to such argument.

First off all we do not know in which context these two ladies are dancing. Obviously they are not performing for the crowd. Neither for  Thorale bajirao for that matter.

It is filmed that the celebration is clearly in a female get together.

 

All the protectors of Marathas are forgetting the very basics of the Maharashtrian culture. Every festival had an occasion where females come together & have their own share of celebration. Festivals like Mangalagaur, occasions of haldi kunku have been there for this sole reason. Socializing practices for House

So, what makes Kashibai any different from having such good time.

As far as history goes, there is definitely no mention of these two females dancing together. But then, in which part of the world such petty incidences are documented by historians.

 

I would give full marks to bhansali for this song. Its such a delight watching fully clad Priyanka and Deepika dancing to the very Marathi tunes. The music reminds me Lata’s “latpat latpat tujha chaalan ga mothya nakharyaach”.

If the protest had been against “not” enough skinshow, it would have still been justified. Narrow border silk nauwari with butte, Ammbada, Green bangles, Nath, Chandrakor tikli I don’t see anything that bhansali has missed.

So Where is d question of damaging the Marathi culture at all. I believe Bhansali has done more damage to his own Gujju culture by doing films like – Ramleela. Not to forget, the same bhansali made Deepika and half of his cast roam around in a backless blouses in Ramleela. If Peshwa descendants feel the need to protest even before movie release, then Shakespeare ascendants should probably bury themselves after watching Ramleela.

 

Coming to the other song of Malhari where there is a disagreement over the kind of language used by the lyricist.

Well, u have to give some space for the so called cinematic liberty. After all Bhansali has made a Bollywood movie & not a National Geographic Documentary.

Had bhansali made Ranveer do the Ta-tar-ta-tar-ta-tar-ta-tar step, the objection is justified. It’s just a regular song.

 

Coming to ridiculing Mastani… Bajirao being Bajirao could have easily erased her from the history Or may be his descendants if they wanted. But no one did. Perhaps out of respect to the gr8 Peshwa.

So we have no right to remember Bajirao and his greatest achievements ignoring Mastani.

 

Let’s accept that in Marathi culture we have serious draught of political heros. Infact we cannot look beyond Shivaji Maharaj when it comes to political heros.

We need to turn 200 years is the history to find the next role model of Maratha’s as Lokmanya Tilak. And further 100 years for Bal tackrey. Swatantra Vir Savarkar was denied this honor. Perhaps by clever manipulation of Chitpavans.

Post-independence prosperity could be argued for scarcity of populous political heros in Independent India.

 

But we are not to be blamed for shadowing the achievements of Peshwas. In academics,  I don’t remember more than 2 history lessons on Peshwas. Agarkar, Chafekar find themselves placed along with other revolutionaries like Bose & bhagatsingh in a small history lesson. & this am talking about the state syllabus. Now scale ur expectations from CBSE’s & ICSE’s.

 

So from where else can we learn about the gr8 Peshwas? Literature & Theater could be the options.

But sadly except “Rau” by Late Inamdar I fail to find any book written on Bajirao. & same is the case with old television serial on Door darshan.

Marathi show biz always underestimated the greatness of Peshwas for taking them to today’s household by means of a Dailey soap or Cinema for that matter.

 

So why get angry when someone else decided to put his money on Bajirao and tell the history lesson in his style.

And now the funny part. This protest is coming from none other than Marathi show biz veterans who chose to ignore peshwa’s & there contribution to Maratha dynasty all these years..

My nephew does the same thing. Some of his toys gets significance only when someone else pick it up.

 

We are acting no different than a 2 year old kid.

Drinks..Dance… & Nightmare

12, Oct,2012 – 10:30 PM,

I got up in the Vadodara Express with the printouts of Consumer Protection Act(CPA) in my hand. The mind is totally occupied with the next day presentation about CPA at IGCC. I don’t even chat with pallu and tell her am busy making the final ppt draft. Deepali who is still confused, calls me that late, to discuss one last time & the “Draft-Consumer Protection – 1986-fin-final-FINAL-last final.pptx” is mailed to everyone. In all these hassles, the phone again rings and this time the caller is “Sharon”. Thank god i save all my contacts with all possible ways of remembering their connection with me. The Sharons name is hyphened with “pallu”. I realize that It is Sharon, pallu’s so called best friend. Now since this creature never calls. So i anxiously picked up the call..

Me- Hi Sharon..

Sharon (in her regular nasal accent) – Ohh.. u have saved my number. Hi Akshay..how are u..

Me (straight to the point)- hey..wt happened??

S: Arey we are calling a party. N u r never with us. But pallu told me u r thr in town now. So i thot u cud____ __ __ _____ ___ __ fun__ ____ ____ ____ join___ __ ____ __ ___long time___ ___ ____kinds__ ____ __ (n she went on.. i  cudnt focus expect sum key words out of her looong mono log)

Me (cutting her monolog in between) : kab hai re party..

S: 2morrow nite.

Me: What tym??

S: See v usually start in the eve.. thn we get dinner..and then __ ____ __ ____ __ __ ___ (again she went on)

Me: (continued reading the print outs….“Section 2(1)(r)- unfair trade practice” means a trade practice which, for the purpose of promoting the sale, use or supply of any goods..)

S: so u coming na??

Me: Who me?? Yea yea… count me in. (…or for the provison of any service, adopts any unfair method or unfair or deceptive practice including any of the following practices..)

S: cool .. ok then see u 2morrow.

Me; yea yea.. Gud night… ( …practice of making any statement, whether orally or in writing or by visible…)

Beep.  End Call. Last call 5 Min: 26 Secs.

…Bargain price” means – (a) a price that is stated in any advertisement to be a bargain price…

 

Hey wait a sec..did i say “count me in” … for a party??..that too wid Pallu’s gang.. oopse..i just made a mistake which i was avoiding artfully for past 3 years.

I have mastered the art of avoiding this herd of pallu’s friends for past 3yrs. I call it herd coz they all are soo identical in the way they look, dress up, talk & behave and also.. they all r always in a group. Pallu has a lot of fond of these characters. The 1^st time she took me to their place was a nightmare experience for me. Just a brief background. This herd of characters belong to the fancy hotel industry of Mumbai. They all have worked in places like ITC, JW marriot, Renissance, hyatt and all those starry hotels with names difficult to pronounce..and even more difficult to spell. Now considering my background of mechanical engineering.. & with my deprived sense of style it is almost like watching Maliaka Arora next to Kirron Kher in the “India has got talent”  panel. But when u spend ur youth in carrying a drawing-drafter on one shoulder and rollpack on the other & top of it a backpack full of steam tables, design data books dumped on both the shoulder…sweating in a workshop wearing a boilersuit.. watching others lingering in CCD outside college and oneself trapped in the canteen and gymkhana…who cud learn the fashion and from where.

 IT crowd was considered to be the epic of style and fashion by mechanical engineers…in fact for the couple years we used to think they have a subject on Dressing sense and Glamour in their IT syllabus. The height of fashion ever achieved by a SPCE mech engineer was when bibin actually grew shoulder long hair. No wonder he got married at the age of 24.

Now these classy friends of Pallu, seem very different to my mediocre engineer eyes. The clothes they wear..their hair styles..the way they speak.. etc etc. They talk a dialect of English in which words are formed 2 inch deep in the mouth, then they are rolled all along the mouth, and then toppled out with a lightest touch of the tongue. In a nutshell, i cud barely hear anything to understand their accent. I get to hear such English in Baroda McDonalds in the wedding season when NRI gujju’s bring their families to attend a weddings.

Any ways, what i meant was,  i jst could never relate with these people at all. I dodged their weddings, their pregnancy parties, and even their naming ceremonies, and with suchha tact, that even pallu dnt doubt me for any of that. But this time, here i am, trapped in a corner, with a toughest target of all time, TO MEET PALLUs HERD OF BEST FRIENDS.

Now 1^st step to the target was dressing..now wateva i buy pallu terms it dull, and wateva she buys for me, i cannot dare to wear out of Baroda… So going with her choice, i chose the most trendy shirt of mine…gifted by Pallu ofcors 🙂 So there is a minimal risk of looking off track in her group. I actually put a thot that day, on when was d last tym i put a thot before wearing sumthin. In fact i still dont understand y wearing cloths is termed as dressing at a 1st place. Last i cud remember was my sister’s wedding. Anyways, struggling from trains and rickshaws, i finally land in her frnds house in kalyaan.  

Seeing me Pallu is all excited .. i wud b accompanying her for d very 1st tym in a party. My heart is already beating fast as i climb the stairs. N finally, the door opens & I am welcomed by 2 ladies other than pallu, while changing the nappies of their new borns. Whoa..now that ws not wt i expected. The babies were cute.  Furniture is also quite descent. i laughed at myself for all the apprehensions i had about these people. Their husbands were out to buy things. Well, giving company to three ladies and their babies was kinda awkward. To my surprise i was even offered a cup of tea :p 😛 knowing my engineering background, they might have guessed my drinking habbits. 😛 :P. Then Sharon told pallu, to ask me if i want to get freshed and take a shower and all. Pallu offered me a towel. I was a bit puzzled. shower?? In a evening?? But then i thot may b that wud be a right thing to do to kill the tym. The thing i dint realize then was, that was 1^st delivery over the shoulder of the nightmare T20 eve jst began. I changed into my favourite denim shorts which was immediately praised by pallu. Whenever she does sumthin lyk that i immediately realize that she hs not liked it. Never mind..Then the hubbies came. I switched on the cricket match and expected them to join. Then one of the hubby asked me where the match is being played. I thot may be he is not much into cricket, so i told him , its in SA. But then he asked me, “who has sponsored the tournament.. ICC kya?”…Huh?? Sponsor of the tournament?? ICC?? (2^nd delivery above the shoulder) I was again puzzled. Anyways, i moved to the corner observing things, looking at the brighter sides of the things,  every1 was looking descent, i could hear the whole sentences out of their mouth, all are smiling, laughing… and then the drinks came and the 2^nd powerplay began.

The evening ful of events taught soo many things, namely

1.      When the music is loud, and all are drunk, talk to as many people as u can wid a smile. They dnt  hear a single word, but they think u r socializing.

2.      When a husband publicly praises his wyf, then he either drunk OR he has miss understood his wyf with some1 else.

3.      If u can’t dance, u should at least be able to scream loudly so that people will be distracted from noticing your bad dancing skills.

4.      If u r a engineer, always choose the latter option.

5.      Not all men watch cricket. Not all wowen drink vodka.

6.      When ur frdns keen on screwing ur ass & wyf screwing ur mind, listen to ur wyf.

7.      Whenever u tk ur wyf or GF to a party, make sure u don’t forget to take them back after the party.

8.      The point of intersection of the ecstasy curve and booze curve is called Vomiting point. Beyond which the ecstasy drops drastically and u r end up in toilet or even worse..in the hospital. Hence knowing the self vomiting point is very crucial before taking that extra peg.

 

9.      Be smart enough to find a place to sleep for urself  before all r taken. There is no reward for the last person standing in a party.

10.   If u are engineer, atleast find a non-engineer wife who could make u look presentable.

11.   Never argue with your neighbours over volume of the party. Specially when they come in group.

12.   If u get into fight wid sum1, make it grand. Make sure everyone notice it & get entertained. When the music is turn down to hear ur fight, understand that u have pulled enough attention 😉

13.   Dance is a sumthing u better learn early in ur lyf. And with dance i am nt talking abt the thing we do in the coll DJ party. Not drinking but acting drunk, is also a proven escape route. And if u cant do tht also, then u can always refer to the Sr. No. #3.

14.   Last but not the least.. a booze party can happen without a cricket match or F1 race.

 

Well not all the learnings above are related to yest’s party. But i njoyed it to the fullest for wateva tym i was awake. Its nice to meet new people.. Let go all ur resistance.. to accept people the way they are.. act drunk and dance stupid without caring who is watching u..And d most important.. doing wat your GF, who luves u soo much, expects from u.

 

The detailed commentary on the powerplay overs is soo terribly shocking that i wouldn’t mention it on the blog. but at 6 in the morning when i got up.. i realized, that all the bottles are empty on the table..kids room was closed, rest of the guys are asleep, scattered all over the place.. and the few  characters were missing.. n the hosts was taken to the hospital 😮 … without getting panic, i quietly dressed up, picked up my stuff, combed by hair and literally ran from the premises ..thinking all the penal code sections which we cud be charged by their families. Boy oh boy.. the eventful night was over and i cud finally sleep in my home sweet home after 2 sleepless nights in the train and in the party.

 

mumbai meri jaan..

Mumbai has become more lyk a weekend getaway for me… the number of weekends i have spent in baroda over past three years are less than MS Dhoni’s memorable innings as a Captain. But every visit to mumbai leaves me with surprise.

talking about surprises, yesterday i saw a college kid getting up in the local train at andheri…wearing couple of bangles in the leg…yess..u heard me right..in the leg…not both but in 1 leg…there were 3-4 black plastic bangles stuck over his left ankle.. i was soo shocked that I had to catch the handle above… wondering from where did he entered those bangles I started observing this strange looking creature..soon i realized, bangle was not the only abnormal thing on this chap…he ws wearing slippers of two different pairs…he ws busy scratching his touch phone lyk most of the youth do now a days…headphone hidden in his curly unkempt hair..i don’t remember myself staring any male object for that long but this kid was amazing… with that parrot green t shirt of twice his size, and self weight of little over 30 kgs, he reminded me of a Cream Onion Lays packet which has less chips n more air…he had a mineral water bottle in the other hand..although he had some similarities with some of the rock crazy friends of mine, the shock intensified when I realized that the guitar looking thing on his back was infact an engineering drafter…I remembered my engineering days.. n my grip got tightened on the handle… Anyways… this character was not the only thing which surprise me in Mumbai…

• Rickshaws are ridding with side ways meter. They same old rickshaw is sooo difficult to identify with the half turned meter. The salman-rani mukherji’s poster and the arrogant stinky Bhaiya inside  rickshaw still maintains the originality.
• People queued infront of ticket window, no more curse the guy cutting the line heading for CVM coupons. As far as I remember, this honor was awarded for the chicks wearing low waist denims n sun glasses in my Mumbai days.
• As most of the people socialize on FB, the usual hang outs adda’s now look lyk couple points. I remember Hiren travelling half the Mumbai to watch a movie with his GF to avoid attention of fellow classmates.
• Cricket and parsis have 1 thing in common. They both are going to extinct soon. No kid wants to play cricket. Our so called religion is facing a real tough time with increasing craze of futbol. Unlike cricket, in this latin American game were passing the ball is more tricky than hitting it out in the stands.
• Mechanical engineers in Mumbai have started drinking coffee. Height of civilization.
• Vadapav wala’s are actually keeping Imli ki chatni. Height of gujaratization.
• A friendly female voice announce the next station inside local. Not once but 6 times. I wonder what made them add such feature in Mumbai locals. There was never a need to know “Kaunsa Station aayega?’, but the real question faced by local commuters is “Konse side aayega”. Any ways, the announcing lady doesn’t help on that.
• Some theaters actually sold few tickets of movie ‘Agent Vinod’.
• Skoda cars are found more on the Car Re-sale Mela than on road. BMWs and AUDIs count more in numbers than Indicas.
• Recruitment adds for MBAs are even found inside local trains next to BABA BANGALI’s clinic’s poster, giving salary assurance of 15000 per month.
• Pretty round pillars come up at strange places, right in the middle of crowded road. Their count keeps growing every week. Reminds me of mashrooms in the rains. Some say there is Mono rail project going on. As a byker wht adds to my worries is the bhaiyas splitting of from 30 feet coloring riders.
• I don’t find any weighing machines on the platforms anymore. Either the machines are removed Or at least those decorative hypnotic circles revolving inside the machines are replaced.
• Medical store has more varieties n flavors of Condoms than a Gola wala’s on juhu chowpati.
• Shivneri has started using Mercedes Buses.
• BEST conductors look highly equipped with the ticket printing machine in hand. Buses have screens inside advertizing NIIT & St. Angelo’s computer courses entertaining passengers. Jealous of the blessed conductors and the fellow passengers, the angry driver who still steers the three feet wide wheel has got on a killing spree.

In this dynamically changing city of islands, what keeps the originality of the city is the paralyzed infrastructure, deprived heath of the roads, blossoming slums on the pavements and ever so dead acting BMC & MMRDA. All these make the strongest building blocks of the so called “SPIRIT OF MUMBAI”. This spirit is what forces u to enjoy travelling in those crowed buses enjoying the rains…risking ur lyf while latkofying on the local door…fighting wid the rickshawala’s over change …riding bike dodging the potholes and avoiding water splashes at the same tym.. half an search to find a nice parking space just to find out later the big dash on ur right tail lamp…waiting in the long Queues for bus, rickshaws, ticket windows, ATMs, Petrol pump, Pay  parking, toll nakas, Restaurants, even on the security check of the malls…..

Wow..Man, I would give anything to come back to my favorite Mumbai lyf.

friends on platter

Yet another msg describing just friends an”true” friends…

Every tym my mobile beeps, my mind start guessing what it could be..

1st choice would be..ofcorss my favorite..Rajnikant..
2nd would be some of my vendor asking for payment..(yea..in Voith I have learned that u need a justification for paying even after supply.)

& the 3rd choice would be, defining ‘just friends’ and ‘true friends’.

It really makes me wonder.. in a FB era, when people have an average of 200 friends count, one can actually differentiate all their friends with these 2 tags. Only a stupid FB application can rate your friends on 1 to 10.U can not compare a gulaabjaamun with rossgulla or Chicken tikka with Chicken tandoori. I find this prty unfair to compare friends like that.
Friends are like spices, and ur liking towards them depends on ur appetite on a particular day. If u get ur favorite chocolate brownie every day in ur meal, then where is d fun??

The thought just adds another flavor for tagging your friends as delicacies on the platter.

Cheese or Paneer Friends:
Well such friends go with any combination of preparations. No matter whether u njoy a punju preparation of mallu. They add more flavor in every dish on the menu. Paneer paratha or Cheese dosa, u name the dish and they give their flavor to that preparation.
Such friends are great fun for outings, parties and even on boring marriages. Reason is..they are absorbed by any group of people. Majority of so called “True friends” belong to this category. They wish u on friendshipday without fail. They exactly know your taste when it comes to opposite gender. They mark ur proxy when u are passing time in canteen. They skip the seat next to “ur”girl in a theater for u to seat. U can share every little secret with them knowing that it will remain secret with them. U r never hurt by any of their comments. FB makes no difference on such friends.

Chicken tandoori friends:
Well, these are those strong flavored friends who dominate the entire meal with there presence. Such strong personalities meet occasionally. When they are around, they take the centre stage and entertain you to the fullest. Your best buddies usually tend to dislike such friends. May b bcoz they overshadow all other preparations of the meal.

Another surprising observation is that such frnds will be least active on the social networking sites. Also, they never give you a call. Not even forward a msg.You’ll find yourself never sharing any personal issues with such friends

However.. it’s the spice in them that attracts you whenever they are around.

But you should also remember that such friends you can not get in every meal. It’s the rarity which preserves the spices of such friends.

Roti/Rice friends:
These are the old langotia yaars (mostly skool frnds) who provide base for every meal. No mater whether you are lady killer-town resident-football team captain OR a nerd looking-scholar-carrying backpack weighing tones. Every one is bound to have this variety of friend. Symptoms – They usually have access to all members of your family. They never send you friendship msgs. They always dial 1st your home land line. They can not hide your secrets. You do not discuss your luv lyf wid them. They can shamelessly wear ur shorts when they come for a nightout. They are not bothered even if you forget their bdays. U don’t remember when didya last fought wid them. They land at ur place without even checking if u r thr or not. N u r equally not bothered.

With thousands of complaints against them you still find them most approachable.

McDonalds Friends:

Well…u’ll find some of ur early college frnds in this category… they resemble with junk food coz u kno that they are harmful to ur health…but u still can not resist..

Syptoms: They smoke…They use the “F”/”Chu”/ “Bho”words too frequently irrespective of the surrounding people…They stare (read: scan) bottom to top of each female gender passing by… they are everything that ur mom had been warning u since childhood…so there is absolute no way u want ur mom to know tht they exists in ur frnd list at all..
Such friends cud be very informative… also thy come handy on FB since they keep ur wall entertaining by their comments…most importantly..they have access to al the pretty chicks in ur college 😉 😉

Green vegetable friends:

Most irritating characters of ur frnd list belong to this category. Like green vegetables, u would luv to ignore them, but in reality u can not. The so called Scholar distant cousin of urs cud be one of this kind. Also, u’ll find most of ur GF’s best frnds fall in under this category. Office colleagues who happen to be the big boss’s pet, prior n later roll numbers who come in help in exams, nerds who lets u copy those assignments in college, gay looking HR executive of ur company…all belong to this irritating breed of friends. U just cant get rid of them. U can not insult them even on FB, forget insulting in person. U cnt remove the tags of their idiotic FB applications. U even post “like” to their stupid most profile status.

Salad friends:
They are only useful for pumping ur friends count of a social networking sites. Their existence or non-existence makes absolute no difference in your meal. In orkut days, meeting a person was essential before adding him as a friend. But in FB days any person who has “Like”d ur post or comment 3 consecutive times within a span of a week becomes eligible for adding as a friend. And in turn increase your count in your menu.

Last but definitely not the least,
Red wine friends:
Well, this belongs to those tempting delicacies of your friends circle. Prettiest of the opposite genders whom u just cant have enough. U wish to have them in every dinner and even after the dinner 😉 U follow their profile updates every minute. Every new forwarded sms that u get is auto forwarded to them. U wish them even on d Republic day. U dnt let go any chance to reply their sms no matter even if its just a santa banta msg. U cant forget their Bday, even their parents anniversaries. Like a alcoholic, u fall for them without thinking about the consequences.

I happen to cross a gift shop on yesterday. Was wondering about the large crowd inside. In the evening heard on radio something about friendship day. The day which had more value than the valentine day in d college was about to slip from my mind again this year.

Times have changed..Orkut hs died..himesh reshamia hs vanished..aishwarya rai-bacchan is pregnant..

Well,times have really changed.. Thanks to the RJ for reminding…erything..

Goan lyf

well..a 31st dec in goa was always on my wish list…but i never imagined it would happen so soon…may be bcoz i placed it below “owning a Rolex” or even below “killing that watchman of my society”(bloody he splits…stinks…n allows ppl to park thr cars behind mine…true ass hole he is…never mind)…angels should also be given thr variable pay targets i believe…atleast next tym thy’ll follow the wish sequence i wnt.. 😉
Goa..well this Land is simply divine…n am not saying this just becoz its my native..nor bcoz I had come from the dry land of NARENDRA MODI. But GOA is not just another state or place…its special…in here

* Alcohol consumption is more than petrol (the 2nd most famous brown liquid in mankind..n no..i am talking about Coffee…Coffee dosnt stand any place..petrol n alcohol tops the list from 1 to 10)

* Every 3rd wall along the road is painted red with Kingfisher’s advertise..i’ve even heard, more than 50% of the business of United Beverage comes from GOA.

* No hotel is tagged as “Restaurant & Bar”.. instead, all of them are called “Bar & restaurant”..well..sales always lead..isnt it 😉

* U will not find a single place where “Gujarathi Thali Malse” ..(n I really mean this, man…Goa is the only land I feel which is untouched by gujrathis… a place where SU n SAARU still sound alien…Thank god 🙂

* You will not feel uncomfortable wearing a shirt with floral prints n go out in public place in daylight …even a shorts with sun flowers printed on it is perfectly normal.. 😉

* Sand covers most of the living land. However, this sand is way different than that of Rajasthan n Gujarat..mainly because it doesn’t fly along the cruising cars.

* Fish curry can be a part of any meal of the day & fry pomfret has a place as important as PAAPAD for Sindhis in any meal.

* PAV(bread) is consumed least although the population is largely dominated by PAVWALEs 😉 😉

* If u want to order the famous “butter chicken” in Goa,(butter chicken which usually tops the menu cards in rest of the india)..u literally have to go through the whole menu searching for it…However, pl. don’t dare to order it..coz person eating chicken in goa is treated no different than a person ordering tea in a coffee shop.

* Goa is a place where temples, churches and beer bars are equal in numbers.. just to get a feel..u see..the statistics says…For every man there is 1 bar, 1 temple, 1 church & 10 coconut trees.

* Firangs clad in 2 piece bikini are 2nd most common thing after topless firangs 😉 n ofcors Indians ogling at those fab bodies 😉

* Although the firangs dominate beaches with their bikinis, the dusky Pavwali chicks in frocks steal the show in rest of the goa.

Well well..Yest I saw this movie “Dum Maro Dum”…starring Amitabh Junior, bips n few new faces and hot bodies..the story lingers around Goa, drugs, rave parties, & white skin dominance over all mentioned three. Sippy Junior has done some a nice directorial job but he couldn’t do any justice to Goan beauty the way he did for South Bombay in “bluffmaster”..for that matter..no director, till date, have captured the true goan b’uty for the silver screen.. may b they all get sooo busy in njoying Goa that they forget the capture it for people.

Sunny..rainy..cloudy..windy..I have seen goa in all possible seasons with all possible reasons 😉 ..Goa has lot more to offer than just beer, beaches and babes. India is blessed with thousands of kilometers of coastline with beaches thousands in numbers. Then what is so different in sun settling down in Goa…& y the same fried pomfret tastes like never before …y the sand pleases to your feet and waves tickles…Well if u’ve been to Goa, u already know the answers…Goa is not just a place. It’s a lifestyle. Just like Mumbai, Goa too has his own soul.

It is their culture that reflects from that every beach at the end of the road..

every tiny shack waiting to serve that chilled bottle of beer..

every single pomfret which land on ur table…

the only dialog that lingers in my mind ..

Aadmi marta hain to wo jannat mein jata hain..par jab wo goa mein marta hain tab wo kahi nahi jata…
Kynki asli jannat toh goa mein hain

Kutta “Yahi” kaa..

Well this blog is neither about the cutie pie Pomeranian of your neighborhood nor about the lovable fat lab of your GFs..not even about vodafone fame pug…it is specifically written picturising the typical Indian Street Dog..now if u are thinking y only Indian..thn its bcoz I don’t know how does a street dog outside india looks lyk ..I hv neva been to abroad…not even to Nepal… am bloody ashamed to carry my passport as a identity proof..thts d only reason y I hv not applied for LPG in baroda…mom dad been to Europe..di went to south east..all my fellow colleagues have been to abroad on company’s account.. even technicians have been to Germany…it was only me n the guy selling tea outside our company gate who were the only unfortunate ones till yesterday…when he told tht he got a Visa for Dubai..Bloody I felt soooo jealous..i stopped having tea in the evening..God knows when I am gonna get that break L …till thn I’ll keep hooting for Indian values, culture, tradition, and all that crap..

Back to the common “Indian street dog”…firstly how do u identify whether the dog infront of u is a street dog or is he of a genuine breed… there are some easy checks for that..

–          If u see his abdomen line between front n rear legs…it must be smooth parabola with two fixed points &varying radius from chest to lower abdomen… confused?? Well in simple words it’s a shape of hour glass sliced in two pieces…sumwhat lyk ths “ ~ ”

–          His spinal line is typically straight till their waist n then smoothly merges into abdominal curve.

–          The tail is not more than half of their length & usually curved irrespective of its length.

–          Jaws are firm & solid. Unlike cats, teeth structure is typically of wolf family.

Hmmmm… still confused??…it seems u r not very familiar with Animal planet..ok..i’ll elaborate a bit more in “India Tv” style..

–          He stands on his front two legs with his ass resting on ground n scratches a area behind is ear with one of his rear leg.

–          OR He stands on all four legs scratching near ass with his teeth.(yea yea..half of the day spend in scratching own ass..n the other half in barking)

–          While standing rest all the times, he barks.

–          He never barks when he is alone. If at all he does, it must be for asking rescue.

–          9 out of 10 times that he barks, he barks on fellow street dogs. Rest 1 time he barks on the person who steps on his tail. Until and unless hurt, he never ever barks on humans. If u have encountered any contrasting situation, then the dog must have misunderstood u with his fellow street dogs. Usually it happens when u skip a bath for couple of weeks & stink similar.

–           He is always multicolored, keeping his mother guessing for the real responsible father.

–          If u find them in couple, then they must be busy doing what other animals do in private. I think after Paris Hilton, dogs are the only shameless animals who enjoy publicizing their private moments.

–          If u find them in a group of three, then 2 must be smelling the ass of the third one.

–          Barking is the only thing to do when they are into larger group.

–          Spike from Tom & jerry is the only dog who barks on cat. I have not seen any street dog barking on a cat.

–          Even a female dog pee in a same fashion as that of male.(i.e.  by raising one of the rear leg) Hey wait…but that true for all the animals. Only in humans, females get fresh whereas males pee (although biologically they do the same thing)

–          If you see a dog while driving/riding, remember, they have a strong tendency of getting in ur way. Irrespective of whether u change ur direction, dogs have liking of getting killed by a vehicle. U turn left, n he will also turn left. U go right, n he will also take a right. No matter what u do, u just cant beat him.  In such situation, never change ur direction. Just head straight to him. The probability of having him in the same position would be least as compared to others.

–          If u talk about any national highway in india, everyday on an average a dog meets with a accident after every 4 km stretch. In every such accident 9 out of 10 times a dog is killed. Rest 1 time, the poor rider goes through a tough time. Thanks to dogs’ never ending skill of making love, their population remains the same.

–          However, it is just a myth that dogs who chase cars, do it because similar car rushed on his lady. Be it dogs or humans, no male can celebrate that long.

–          Dogs never bark on girls. Specially the good looking ones. (huh?? No Idiot…gud looking is adjective for a gal..not for a  dog)

–          All street dogs are vegetarian.. dont make a mistake of offering them eggs or chicken. And if u happen to feed them with pedigree, they will look as confused as person having seen “Raavan” in a theater.

–          Never curse dogs for barking in the night. They are doing what u and me do in the nite. They also socialize. Only difference is, we do it on facebook. Well u’ll all agree the comments on face book from frnds..frnd’s  frnds, the requests for farmvile, the invitations for finding perfect match, all are equally annoying as that of dogs barking in the nite.

–           Street Dogs are very expressive. They are extremely camera friendly..Mani ratnam has made a 4 hour long movie on a dog as a male lead.. I saw that on animal planet… surprisingly a week later it was released in theaters as “Raavan”… but unfortunately film critics misunderstood him with abhishek bacchan. Needless to say that the movie doomed.

Well these are some of the typical characteristics of a Indian street dog..after this I hope, an ordinary street dog will bring a smile to ur face.

PS: – Dogs, now a days, have forgotten their age old rivalry with dharmendra. They now have abhishek bacchan in bollywood to be more unhappy with.i am glad that dogs dnt access wordpress..else they would sue me for comparing abhishek bacchan wid them.

Wedding bells or War bugle ;)

(The contents of the blog might be harmful for adults planning to get married. The blogger will be solely held responsible if the contents makes the harm which is desired by them)

Morning 8.30…in d office…switchin on PC…waiting for outlook to update the mail box by forwards of software professional sent on odd hours(man, thy only send ths fwds on late nites n early mornigs…always on odd hours…no wonder IT industry doomed 😛 ) one of ths mail is from bibin..subject shows “Wedding Invitation”…without thinking much i open tht mail…

a kilometer long mail with lines in sentence case,  written in italic font, with no animated .gif image inbetween, n nt even picture nor smiley at the end….this,very unlike forward, seems more of hibru to me… still without stressing the brain muscle,  i click on the only hperlink decorated in the mail…by the time voith server opens the link, i hv already forgotten whr i had clickd…bt the new window is nicely decorated..it  says “welcome..wedding of pallavi & bibin  on decemb.$##%%^&*(%$^^…….hey hey..WAIT A SEC..wt d hell is ths…surprisd..rather shocked me, again go through the entire mail again….is it for real??…searchin al over if thr is any hitch..its on 6th-Dec.. Dec do hv 6th day… nt like 30-feb or sumthin…thinnkin of al such probablities in my dirty mind i finally came to the conclusion… Yes..BIBIN IS ACTUALLY GETTING MARRIED TO A GIRL…..

yea..1st one in our group..Bibin…is rather d 1st GUY in entire Sp-mech batch to get married(what?? what do you mean, snehal got married before bibin??…snehal was a girl u idiot…she used to stay in girls hostel…dnt u remember?)god ..he is gonna settle down in lyf…has found a lyf partner…n now takin d most imp step in d lyf…n we are still roaming around in a college mood..line maroing on prtty chicks…busy in doin a lukkha giri as usual… al of a sudden am feeling sooooo  soooooo miserable man…whole day ruins in d disgracing thots abt myself…

hey , bt wait a sec, y am i feeling bad abt myself…so wt tht i am nt tht committed in lyf…. i cn still do the basugiri.. i hv no strings(Read: wire ropes) attached… i can go grab a can of beer n spend a saturday nite on friend’s place(gosh..gone r those days whn d alcohol was available on evry corner of d road…this dry state policy of MODI sucks lyk anythin)…i can still spend the whole sunday doin nothin..its bibin whos gonna miss d late nite futbol matches…

he’ll hv to give explanations for smoky shirts…

he’ll be forced to get rid of this ipod whn she is talkin…

he cnt grow beard anymore…nt even a stuble…nt evn a goti…

he wl b forced to use deo of her choice…

he’ll b made to luv shoppin..shoppin evn whn sachin’s on 193 not out n he hs chance to beat saeed anwer’s record of 194 (y nt??… cnt i evn imagine sachin breakin this record?? he still hs 1 more wordcup to go remember?…sum tyms i feel BCCI wnt let him retire until he breaks this record…poor chap he is)

he’ll hv to keep his bike clean…wash her daily…

he cnt evn brush d way he used to…he’ll b made to think before pressing toothpaste tube..

he’ll b prohibited to admire the god’s creations while passing by thm… ahem ahem.. 😉

n lastly, he’ll hv to wear the washed,cleaned & ironed denims(yeeeek..god bless u bibin)

Frankly speackin, if ths is wt he wntd to do ..thn thr ws no need to get married for tht…he cud hv simply shifted to baroda…lyf sucks equally terrible in here…in baroda…away from home 😦

any ways, it depends on wht choice one makes… sum get married…sum njoy lyf…others leave mumbai..(if u dnt undrstand d meaning of this sentence, tht only means u r part of d prior two catagories 😉 ) 

any ways… bibin..this blog is abt u bt not for u… its for ppl who r plannin to get married… atleast thy cn re think the decision tht thy hv made…. (n i wl b publishing it only after u get married…so tht u wnt get a chance to rethink… (GM bro..heehehe)…coz if i dnt, pallavi bhabi wnt evn allow me to enter ur house any more..

now on serious note..i hope n  pray to god tht u’ll nt come across any of the shit detailed above… n i wish u both all d  happiness n success(success??…ahem ahem;) 😉 ) in ur married lyf…keep rockin bro…keeeeep rockin

P.S: hey BB.. thnx a lot man…u made u start bloggin again…thnx for bringing me back on track..

Hamaraaa Pick UP…

morning 7.45 AM ….

me..surprizingly..not searching for bike keys…neithr 4 helmet nor bandana….y???… bcoz….siemens transformers has “finally” startd company transport facility to their employees…

Mr. Bhinde announced that there will be company pick-up n drop service on few specific routes(hidden: there will not be 200% VCP given ths time….so be happy with ths)…. so sudenly…inspite of no VCP n terrible work load, all turned happy 😛 after annoucement, it was obvious that the 1st bus will start from Dadar(    )…n so it did…

my co-passengers on ths route were goin 2 b Parag, borse, prajakta, n shruti(in the sequence in wch thy seat)… as per announcement the pickup facility startd but thr ws no response 4m dadar route… simply bcoz p/u tym ws 7.00AM… now people who used to catch 7.38 Asangaon fast will obviously not opt for ths p/u…but thn we rescheduled it to 7.30…thn …7.40…thn 7.45…n now 7.50 Am… (thanks to Parag…who is the most active(Read: irritating, annoying, irksome)  member of our route…

talking bout the daily p/u…(btw,for those who are wondering,p/u implies pickup…the term used by Siemens EXIM people i.e. Ms.sethi…there must be 1000 odd abbreviation used exclusively by Imports people n thy xpect tht al the ppl in ths world must kno their meanin… evn after tht if u dare to ask its meaning ..thy’ll give u the luk wch TABU gave in HERAPHERI whn PARESH RAWAL’S dhoti gets on the floor)… coming to the point.. daily p/u starts from KABUTER KHANA whr Borse, parag n prajakta get up… thn the SUMO comes to Dadar TT whr i get in )… thn a Ghatkopar shruti gets up…tn directly to NTF…(btw, we have ths TATASUMO for p/u…TATASUMO is a car wch is TATA had introduced as a Family car for families bigger in size… but till date no SUMO hs run on the road with 3 or more people of same family…its a pure commericial vehicle…n definately not a SUV…not even a mile close to it)

all mentioned people have their typical characteristics…. starting with borse(married n father of 2)… very cynical kinda person… at the same time…very gentlemen whnit comes to females… people say(including him) tht he is lil uncomfortable whn it comes to females… but i dnt think so.. he is d one who breaks the ice evryday whn we start the journey… be it yesterdays match…or kareena’s song… he always lights up the situation…. he is a kool dude…

thn prajakta(not married…not sure whether single or not ;))…ths monitor lukin female is actually a matured gal with “junior college” kinda attitude… a typical podrait..(i.e. Podar coll student)…she cn talk on wat so evr topic…a very gud listener….n a gossip parner as well.. 😉

thn shruti(not yet married…but definately wl soon get married being a Manglorian… Manglorian females get married on 24… ref: clause 156 paragraph 14 of Indian penal code)… i hv not seen ths female getting upset on anyone..(other thn me… am the 1 who she wl hold responsible if she dsnt get her VCP coz of subcontracting stock @ vendor)… she keps on smilling…laughing… blushing… all the tym…god knos y… the tym she gets in, both these ladies start their usual gossiping….i seriously cnt figure out,wt topic thy get 2 discuss evn after doin same in the office hours sittin nxt to each other… but the real fun starts after shruti gets in…and parag changes the radio station to its favorite FM Rainbow 😉

THE Parag….sur sangeet ka diwana… Damn….ths guy is crazy for old hindi songs to the terrible extent…he is one of the few listeners of FM Rainbow(tht too i doubt… i seriously feel tht he is the only listener to the morning 8o’clock slot on FM RAINBOW…the so calld radio jocky who hosts SUR SANGEET KE DIWANOKI MEHFIL, actually does the monolog with Parag…with parag doin wah wah after every song…yawk).. the time whn all other radio channels are busy in playin all latest movie songs..ths channel air IODINE NAMAK advertisent twice after evry single song… n their songs selection is sooo damn pakofying…we seriosly feel lyk killin ths gentleman…howeva…Parag is the one who does al the plannin work…. lyk… hmmmm… well…. lets c…..hmmmmm…. ok……4get it yaar…. god knos wt exactly he ds…evn in the office…

thn we used to pick up “U Kno Who” Amit Rane… ths IT guy stays @ airoli… but sumhow he preferes our company so he leaves the company bus n waits for our SUMO… he is d true, geniune funny guy… he dsnt feel bad whn entire office claims tht he dsnt work… he dsnt evn try 2 justify or to defend…(its a diff story tht he dsnt hv any point to defend since he actually ds not work at all…belive me…only pallavi cn beat him in ths”i-will-never-work” contest…she is head and shoulder above all)…. however… he sets up the mood by his silly talks…altho he himself dsnt work….he cools off the mood tht’ll make u work more….irrespective of the level of the person in front, he keeps his level of madness maintained… beliv me…its a skill….not every person cn manage such a high level of proficiancy… he is truely gifted…but Mr. Bhinde ws pretty jealous of his skills and actually got complex…so he told him to discontinue our SUMO….wch ws reallly veryyyyy rude, unethical n definately non “SIemens”.

Now..after a month and a half…situation is as follows,

SUMO n its driver keeps on changin…the timing keeps changing….the driver agency person keeps callin me evn after tellin him so many times tht i get up on the 2nd stop…i keep comin late on pick up….parag keeps on fighting with these agency people about SUMO iteriors… the only thing wch is constant now is ….females waitng for MASTEK pickup on the Dadar TT stop..(guys belive me….IT sectors rocks… evn i try style maroying al the tym with my patent goggle…but..as usual.. no luck…..am a true mechi u c :P)

P.S.:prajakta mite go to Komel’s route… she wont get tht affected by Komels “wo-kya-hota-hai-na” talks as she is trained, tested and approved by Parag’s company…. (tht means… no need to carry those ear plugs prajakta…hehehe)